Zack's legacy
by Enide Dear
Summary: Cloud is moping over Zack again. Avalanche tries to help by telling their memories of him. But perhaps they could have chosen some other memories... Rated for complete lack of taste


Title: Zack's legacy

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Not telling

Rating: uh…..tasteless. But funny

Warning: Completely bereft of taste. I mean, seriously ^^; Do not drink and read!

A/N: Eh…yeah, so…I have no explanation….

**

"I had another dream about Zack last night." Morose, Cloud stared down into his morning cup of coffee, clutching the thick china in his hands. Tifa had sliced up some bread for him and Aerith had poured his coffee, but so far he hadn't touched any of it. Still, with all of Avalanche gathered around the breakfast table, it was the only way to make sure that their would- be Soldier leader ate *something*. Cloud rubbed his hands over his face, blue eyes wide and disconnected from reality. "I'm starting….I'm starting to lose sense of where I end and he starts!"

"Yes, um." Aerith stirred her coffee with a spoon, a slight blush on her cheeks. "I've been meaning to ask you…how much of Zack's memories do you have?"

"Too much." Cloud shook his head as if that could clear the fogs in his mind. "Too. Much."

"Do you remember," Aerith blushed fiercer, "the…playground?"

Cloud looked up, but Aerith refused to meet his eyes. He shrugged, staring into the gloomy coffee depths again.

"You mean the children? The one that was a wutai spy?"

"No…,"Aerith bent her head over the coffee, "this was decidedly not suitable for children."

Cloud's jaw dropped. His eyes suddenly snapped into the presence.

"You and Zack…I mean, I know you were an item but I didn't know you had…" he fumbled for words.

"Well, he was a very attractive guy." Aerith mumbled with a secret smile. "And very friendly."

"He sure was," Tifa sighed wistfully, leaning back on the chair and stretching. "Such a big…heart."

Cloud almost fell off his chair.

"*You* and Zack?! I mean….that's…when?!"

"Oh, you know." Tifa said airily. "I didn't wear that cowgirl outfit up the mountains because it was practical. Do you know how hard it is to go mountaineering with high heels? But Zack…made it worth it."

Gaping like a fish, Cloud hadn't recovered at all when Yuffie looked up from her pancakes.

"But that's great! You can help me remember about this one-legged-crane position Zack liked so much…"

"Yuffie, that is disgusting! You were just a child!" Cloud stared aghast. "There is no way Zack even touched you!"

"Of course he didn't, you pervert!" Yuffie stared at him. "But he did give me some good tips for the future, and now I can't remember if you should turn clockwise or counter clockwise…"

"Clockwise," Aerith, Tifa and Cid all said simultaneously.

Cloud fell off his chair.

"Cid!" he gasped as he picked himself up, pale faced.

"What?" The pilot shrugged and gave the hero an incredulous glance over the morning paper. "Maybe I wasn't a Soldier, but I damn well was the greatest star ever ta grace the Space Program. Got invited ta all the best parties. And Zack was always there." Cid smiled a bit. "Great guy. Great guy. Huge…heart."

"Remember that time the three of us got drunk and we broke into the president's office?" Reeve suddenly said from inside Cait Sith, his voice a bit longing. "I heard the Turks had to distract the old geezer for hours so the cleaning crew could get rid of all the…organic evidence we left behind."

"Yeah, that reminds me." Cid scowled at the magic-robotic cat "Don't ya still have some tapes that ya promised ta destroy?"

"Aw, but you and Zack both looked so good in a dress." Reeve grinned.

"Zack wore a dress?!" Cloud piped, his voice suddenly several octaves higher.

"No, yer not listening." Cid said. "He and I were *both* in one dress. And that pervert over there was taking pictures." He nodded to Cait/Reeve.

"Zack was not a pervert!" Cloud managed to get a hold of himself.

"That's right, fools." Barret nodded over his breakfast. "He was really gentle and carin'. Of course," he cocked his head at the memory, "that could have been 'cause I told him it was my first time with a man."

Cloud fell off the chair a second time.

"What?" Barret looked defensive. "I was married before, fool! And anyway we were just strangers meetin' in the night…well, I knew who *he* was of course, everyone knew Zack. It was real romantic and shit."

"He was very romantic," Aerith sighed, fiddling with her spoon. "He helped me sell my flowers, you know. But he kept one in his pocket at all times."

"This one?" A mumbled from Avalanches' most quiet member made them all look up. Vincent was holding a dried, battered flower between the claws of his metal hand. "He gave it to me after we…"

"No! No, you were dead!" Cloud stabbed a butterknife accusingly at Vincent who looked offended.

"I wasn't dead, I was merely in a state of prolonged rest. He accidently woke me up. I had been in that coffin for over 25 years by then, so I was feeling a bit lonely. And like the others say, he was very…easy to instantly like."

Cloud stared from one of them to the other, not knowing if he could believe his ears.

"This is…this is…The only one who hadn't a dirty story to tell about Zack is Nanaki!" He almost screamed in outrage.

"That," a refined voice said from below the table, "is merely because I don't kiss and tell. Nor do I do other things and tell."

Cloud looked like he'd have a heart attack. Aerith patted him gently on the shoulder.

"There, there…you must have known he wasn't a virgin?"

"Yes, but….but…" There were no words. Cloud's head was spinning.

"So…," Cid cleared his throat, "if yer tryin ta live Zack's life, maybe yer…free tonight?"

Cloud froze. He was suddenly aware of all the apprehensive eyes looking at him, seizing him up. Aerith's patting had turned into caresses. Barret's leg was rubbing against his knee. Tifa was smiling very deeply. Vincent was twirling his flower. Cid was eyeing him over the teacup. A tiny red light in Cait's eyes revealed that the recording had started. Yuffie were taking notes.

A very small part of Cloud's brain was screaming that something wet and disturbingly *nose like* was crawling up his leg.

"Ah, butI'mnotZack!" Jumping out of the chair, Cloud backed towards the exit, panic lighting his eyes. "Nono! I'm Cloud, yes, very much Cloud! The difference is huge! I mean…not that difference. Not that *I'd* know the size of Zack's pe…pecs! But, yes, I'm Cloud. No mistakes!" Turning tail, he dodged out the door, running for cover.

Avalanche burst out laughing.

"I think," Tifa wiped her eyes, "that took care of the moping schizophrenia problem for a while."

"Let's hope so. It was getting on my nerves." Barret grunted.

"A bit of a shame though," Reeve sighed. "Zack was a devil in bed."

"Yeah, but I'll take a demon over a devil any day." Cid grinned at Vincent, who withdrew deeper into his cloak, even though the ghost of a content smile could still be seen.

"I can't believe he bought your story, though." Yuffie snickered and ruffled Nanaki's fur. "That was just *nasty*!"

"What do you mean?" Nanaki looked up. "I don't lie."

Cold silence dropped over the breakfast table like a bomb.

"I have to go brush my teeth," Aerith suddenly proclaimed, rushing from the table and looking slightly green.

"Me to!" Tifa yelped and ran after her.

"I'll help you!" Yuffie hurried after them, looking as if she'd swallowed a slug.

"We need to….feed the demons," Vincent grabbed Cid and pulled the blonde from the table; the pilot couldn't stop staring at Nanaki.

"I can't believe I slept with *that*," Barret backed from the breakfast table.

"That's not what I thought he meant by doggy-style!" Cait yelped and hurried away.

Nanaki waited until they were all gone before he let loose a low, rumbling laughter. Humans, perverts one and all. It was really almost too easy.


End file.
